


Shouldn't You be Asleep?

by hubcaphalo



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hubcaphalo/pseuds/hubcaphalo
Summary: previously posted on tumblr.  Amanda wakes up one night to find Cross ruminating by the fireside.





	Shouldn't You be Asleep?

The first thing Amanda was aware of was the crackling of the campfire. As she sighed and slowly opened her bleary eyes, she could see that it was still dark. Martin was asleep in front of her, one arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest. She could hear Gripps snoring lightly behind her. She turned her head toward him a little, and saw Vogel and Beast passed out in a pile a little closer to the warm fire.

Cross.

Her heart instinctively leapt in fear, an automated response ever since Blackwing had stolen three of her boys away. She bolted upright, head swiveling, eyes rapidly trying to adjust to the dark. A small cough came from the other side of the flames, and her heart jolted. She stood to see Cross sitting on the ground with his back against the bench seat, staring blankly into the fire. One leg splayed out in front of him, one leg tucked up, elbow perched on his knee, hand slowly, thoughtfully swirling a half-empty beer bottle.

He didn’t seem to see her, his unblinking eyes never leaving the light of the flames.  He jumped a little when she plopped unceremoniously on the ground next to him.  

“Drummer. Jesus!”

“It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Shouldn’t  _you_?”

“I was, but the white noise of someone muttering in their sleep was missing.”

Cross smirked, and looked away from the fire, away from Amanda. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right, I’ll just go a little smokier on the smokey eye tomorrow.”  Amanda smiled, but it faded when Cross still wouldn’t meet her eye. Cross, the warmest Rowdy. Cross, who always had an arm draped around one of the others; who lifted people off the ground in exuberant hugs; who would grab Beast by the hands and spin her around so her feet flew in the air, no matter how many times she asked him to do it again. She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He shrugged. Amanda frowned and grabbed his legs, making a show of theatrically dragging him around to face her. She was rewarded with a soft laugh. Cross pursed his lips and looked up at the night sky.

“I was thinking,” he began, but stopped, mouth open, brow furrowed.

“About?” Amanda prompted. His brown eyes lowered and met her gaze. The fire light was reflected in his eyes, and making shadows dance across his face.

“You.”  

“Me?” She laughed in surprise. 

“And us. And them.”  

“Them?”

“Them,” Cross threw out an arm in a sweeping gesture. “All of them out there. All of them like us. Not like us. Different, but different together.”  The holistics. The leaves in the stream of creation. The tools of the universe. He fell silent again, and his eyes widened as he thought. 

Amanda watched him, waiting as Cross strung his scattered thoughts together. Cross, who felt everything so deeply, was the first to try to make the others smile and laugh, was constantly reassuring others through words and actions that they were safe. It was her turn now, and she reached out, curling her fingers around his. Cross looked down at their hands, and his eyes seemed to snap back to focus. 

“Before Blackwing took us–the first time, we didn’t know what we were. Didn’t know how to control what we were. Messed things up. Bad, sometimes. Then we had each other, and learned how to be us. How to do it right.” After a moment, he turned Amanda’s hand palm up. He held his own palm down, hovering a couple inches above hers.  She remembered the first night she spent with the Rowdies, how Cross had held his hands just like this, taking away the pain of an attack.   

“When we found you, we knew you were different. Not different  _like_ us, but we thought you could be different  _with_ us. You didn’t know what you were, and you hurt so bad, for so long. Messed you up. Made you sad, and scared. And we got taken, and didn’t know what was going to happen to you. Then we were in that weird, wacky CandyLand and you got magic and we got Beast and a mission to go find  _more_ of us.” He inhaled deeply, and set his hand on hers. 

“There are  _more of us_  out there. Right now. Maybe they don’t know what they are, or how to control what they can do. They might be hurt, or hurting someone else they don’t mean to.” As the pieces of his wandering thoughts came together, Amanda saw what had kept the Rowdy awake that night. 

The enormity of the task Wakti Wapnasi had set for them had kept her from sleep more than once, herself.  The weight of responsibility for restoring balance to the goddamn universe was not feather-light. Knowing there were people out there who needed help, and the process of finding them being such a slow one, was agonizing for the big-hearted Cross. Knowing that Blackwing was out there looking for the same people, with infinitely more resources and man-power, not to mention the by-any-means-necessary mentality of leaders like Priest, pushed things to a bile-inducing level of panic.

Amanda turned to face the fire, and leaned back against the bench seat, as Cross had been doing when she first walked over. She slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in. 

“Cross, I don’t know how many of us are out there. Or where they are, or really even how to find them, or…uh, okay, let me start over. Here’s what I  _do_ know. You guys found me. Dirk found my brother. Bart found them when she was supposed to. The universe wants us to succeed,  _wants_ us to find each other. And yeah, maybe some of them are having a bad time out there. But we’re going to find them, and help them. And as much as our lives have changed from being together, as much as that’s made us find our strength, and bravery, and happiness…they’re going to have that, too. Maybe some of them are gonna come with us, maybe we’re just supposed to help them find each other and form their own packs. But we’re all gonna be connected, and all that bad stuff we had to go through before, we figure out how to heal, together. No one’s gonna be alone with that anymore.”

“Together,” Cross mumbled quietly.  They sat huddled, Cross’s head on Amanda’s shoulder, her head resting atop his, both staring at the fire in silence, until they finally drifted off into peaceful, untroubled sleep.


End file.
